It feels like we've been running full speed ahead ever since Bray turned one. That middle milestone—18 months—felt like a blur, and now here we are, barreling toward the big two. Nineteen months feels like a tipping point, a bridge between babyhood and toddlerhood. I look back at the last few months, marveling at how fast time has flown, and suddenly the number two looms large on the horizon. It's hard not to get caught up in the countdown, even though I know it's just a part of being a parent. I used to love saying things like "he just turned one," but now the months feel shorter, and I'm acutely aware that Bray is inching closer to two.
Sometimes I worry I'm jumping the gun, thinking about what's coming next when I should be savoring the moment. Maybe this is something only parents of older toddlers do—I can imagine myself doing the same thing when Bray turns two. But as I sit here reflecting, I realize it's not just about the milestones; it's about the journey. Every stage brings its own unique challenges and joys, and I wouldn't trade any of them for the world. Still, it's strange to see Bray growing into himself so quickly. He's not quite the tiny baby I held just yesterday, but he's also not the independent little person he'll become tomorrow.
There are nights when both kids need me close, and I find myself rocking Bray first. He's obsessed with holding my hand, even though he doesn't fully grasp what it means to hold my heart. I cradle him, smoothing down his soft curls and whispering reassurances. His little fingers twist around mine, and I breathe in the faint trace of baby shampoo that clings to his hair. It's fleeting, this moment of pure connection, but it grounds me. Then it's Aisha's turn, her long limbs sprawled across my lap. She's not so little anymore, though she'll always be my baby in some way. Watching her transition from being the youngest to the big sister has been bittersweet. One day she'll be leaving the nest entirely, but for now, she's still here, still needing me.
As I tuck them both in, I remind myself that parenthood is a balancing act. There's beauty in the chaos, in the messy moments, and in the quiet ones. I don't have to rush through these years, even if it sometimes feels like life is moving faster than I'd like. There will be plenty of time to reflect later, to look back and see how far we've come. For now, I'll hold onto these moments, imperfect as they are, and enjoy the ride.
If you're interested in reading more about Bray's first year, you can find the month-by-month breakdown here.
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